I mean look at it. These squirrels are like fucking crazy, dawg.
I don’t know where they are. Are they in the desert? Is this Nevada somewhere? Or is this some photo sent back from the future, from some post-apocalyptic world where squirrel is pitted against squirrel? The bombs dropped, the new winter came, but when the snow melted, there were only two survivors: Squirrels and Fucking Awesome.
I mean, what’s that squirrel on the bottom there thinking? He’s so full of rage, look at him, he can’t even open his eyes. He’s just kicking blindly. If he was looking, and the foot made contact with the other squirrel’s face, it would feel good, but I promise you, it would feel nothing like the surprise sensation when his eyes are closed and his claw-hand-thing rips into brother-squirrel flesh, and he peeks his lids open to see the aftermath of his destruction, and wow. You can’t pay for squirrel-gasms like that.
And is that other squirrel fucking standing on his tail? I wasn’t even sure they could do that. I mean, look at that shit, he’s fucking moonwalking on his tail. The King of Pop couldn’t even do that today, and he’s fucking dead, man. For real.
Oh shit, you don’t think this picture’s about rape, do you? That’s gross. But you’re right, that top squirrel does kind of look like he’s just trying to get his nut. Still, no, that’s gross. Squirrels aren’t deviant like that, dude. They’re not filthy humans, they’re squirrels. Show some respect.
This whole picture just makes me remember how much I want to see a remake of the film True Lies, except with all of the roles played by squirrels. I mean, wouldn’t that keep all of the positive points of the original, while still improving on the awesome? Oh, yeah, Tom Arnold would still be in it, of course, you can’t get rid of Tom Arnold, he’s the glue that holds the whole thing together.
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Squirrels. Squirrels are rad, dude.
